Closing out NIAW

So sad to see NIAW go…but hope the conversation and awareness will continue to grow.

The Bloggers Unite Conference is closed out with a great post about keeping the line of communication open along your journey.  Infertility is a hard pill to swallow so it is important to make sure that you are having the conversations with your spouse so that you are both prepared for what is the next step.

Miss Conception Coach
In Due Time

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One step at a time…

So when we discussed IVF Round 2 with our RE over the summer, she said she wanted to try everything possible to make sure we get the positive results we are all hoping for in the end.  Just like a baby, we took our first baby steps to preparing my body yesterday. Our RE decided that she wanted us to undergo an endometrial biopsy.  Research has shown that by performing this procedure prior to IVF that it can create a pocket for the embryos to implant after the transfer.  

Research information on endometrial biopsies for IVF Endometrial Biopsy and IVF

The procedure went ok.  As she thought beforehand they had trouble getting the catheter through my cervix since the biopsy one is not flexible and my cervix is curvy.  So they weren’t able to pull out a piece of my endometrium like they wanted to, but they did do some scraping which will hopefully generate some pockets.   She also went ahead and dilated my cervix to prepare us for the transfer in a few weeks.

I am feeling ok today physically but I have found that emotionally I am feeling quite vulnerable.  As we prepare for this second round I find myself thinking about how we would have been weeks away or months away from meeting our peanut had our first round or FET been successful.

I thought I was doing pretty good until I found myself tearing up again today.  My wife is getting her haircut and I noticed that her stylish is looking a little plump.  The stylish proceeds to talk about her holiday plans and how she can’t drink and there is the confirmation.  Here is a woman that just got married not even 5 months ago and is already pregnant.  ugh! My wife apologized to me after we left and I told her I am not mad at her, just upset over the situation.  Her stylish was weary to tell my wife at her last appointment that she was pregnant because she knows what we have been through. Are we now the “eggshells couple”?

The holiday season brings so many mixed emotions because it is about family, new life and hope, which I feel like we are missing.  Don’t get me wrong, I know we are blessed for our family who loves and supports us as well as our extended family of friends that would do anything to help us change our situation.  However, it is hard not to feel the hurt over all the family Christmas cards, pregnancy/birth announcements, and kid/parent Christmas traditions that we do not get to participate in since we can’t get over our infertility hurdle.

Here we go again..Cycle Day 3 ..Time to start meds…

  

We took nine months off, traveled to some new places, experienced rest and relaxation, and changed our habits, all to prepare ourselves for IVF Round #2.  My spirit and faith in our dream had been crushed in April and June.  We were very positive and felt that all of the signs were present for us to finally be able to experience the joy of a child. Unfortunately things did not go our way and we were left  wondering what we could have done differently.  
July, August, and September were spent doubting every move and choice we had made. I began to feel like my world was closing in around me and with the stress of work, I really began to loose myself.  I began to think that no matter what it wasn’t going to happen for us and that we were just meant to be a childless couple.
Since October, I have made some life changes to try to prepare my eggs for what is to come in Round 2.  I went back to working out everyday, going to bed earlier and trying to follow a gluten free clean diet.  I started acupuncture, which was probably the best decision ever made, to calm my spirit and prepare my eggs.  I feel like acupuncture has really changed who I am and I will really miss it once we get going in this cycle. Through this practice, I feel like my soul is lighter and happier…all good things for going into this next round.

The past few days, there have been a couple of signs that I hope mean good things are yet to come. Bear and four leaf candy in our advent calendar and an empty nest in our Christmas tree.  I will take it as our nest will no longer be empty because our four leaf clover is bringing a baby bear to us soon.

  
To learn more about Round One feel free to catch up on my old blog drsatterfield13@tumblr.com