It is August 2012 Heather, my partner of nine years, wife of two years at the time, and I had a discussion about the future. I had just changed jobs and was now back at an organization that offered better benefits. We looked at our life and asked ourselves where do we want to be in five years?!? We both agreed that regardless of the prejudice that surrounds gay parenting and probably some opposition from our families that it was meant for us to be parents. We discussed our options: adopt, foster or try to have a child of our own.

We decided with the laws as they stood in North Carolina surrounding gay adoption it was best to move forward with trying to have our own child. So then comes the decision, who is going to carry this child? Being that I appeared to be in better health and barred a higher pain tolerance we felt it was best that I carry our child.

Our OB/GYN had been wanting to have the child conversation with us for years, so when we went in to get our yearly checkups that August we explained to her we were ready for the green light. She was elated and immediately gave us a referral for a fertility specialist in my health care network.

Being that I was at the end of my MBA coursework we decided I would forgo a concentration that would add another semester and finish up in the Fall. With taking three master courses and working full time, we felt it was best to wait towards the end of the semester to start the process.

We contacted the local fertility clinic and scheduled our initial consultation. The 3rd week of November 2012 we underwent our first intrauterine insemination (IUIs) and little did we know how much this would change our lives forever.

Fast forward three years, three surgeries, two doctors, four donors, one biospy, eight IUIs, one fresh IVF cycle and one frozen embryo transfer later and we are still on the road to parenthood.   We knew this was not going to be easy but never in my life did I believe it would be this difficult. As we come to another fork in our journey, I am thankful for all of our TRUE family and friends who have supported Heather and I through this journey and continue to be there for us as we move to the next path on the road.

I am not writing this blog for sympathy or pity but to break the silence that surrounds infertility and the way it affects all of those that are involved.  So after three years of struggle, I want people to know that infertility is : emotional, physical and mental.   Not only is your body on a roller coaster but so is your bank account, mind, soul, faith, marriage, family and friends.  Be kind to those around you…


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