Beta Results

So we went to get our beta yesterday morning.  My nerves were in knots and my wife probably had the worst sleep she has had in weeks the night before.

I decided I was going to wear yellow to try to brighten my spirits and be in a happy place knowing that we may or may not receive happy results. I got to the clinic and went to have my blood drawn.  The medical technician who had assisted during my transfer came in the room while they were taking my blood.  She asked me how I was feeling and I told her that we would see soon.  She said that she would be thinking about us and wishes us the best.  I checked out and asked the front desk specialist if they would leave the results on the voicemail later today.  She indicated that they usually do, so I should be good to go.  My wife and I had agreed that this time around, we would let them leave a voicemail so that we could find out the news together.  I did not want to get bad news again and have to call her to relay the bad news.

  
Around 12:30 I got a call from the clinic, I watched the phone ring.  Then five minutes later the clinic called back and left a 14 second message.  I informed the wife that the message was there staring me in the face.  We went back and forth texting each other from work on whether we should listen to it or not at that moment.  We finally decided we would wait till we both got home and listen together in the comfort of our own space.

The afternoon dragged on and I got home before my wife.  I decided to sit in the backyard and wait for my wife to get home.  I listened to music and checked social media.  I was on pins and needles but tried to focus on the positive that I was selected to be part of a blogger conference to celebrate NIAW and that it was my blog post day.

My wife arrived home and we listened to the message.  The fellow said they had my results and that we needed to call them back.  NOOO!!!! You were suppose to leave the results on the message!!! We decided to call the RE on-call, I know like crazy people, but we could not wait all night to know the results.

The RE on-call was a senior fellow who knows us well (she performed two of our IUIs two years ago) and was like oh I am sorry they did not leave the results, they should have.  She was driving so she could not look them up right away but told us that she would call us back once she got to a stopping place and could look up the results.  We waited for the phone to ring which seemed like 15 minutes, but was probably five.  We answered the phone and she immediately said I am sorry I have bad news, “Your beta was negative.”  My heart just sank, it was like I was spinning and she was talking but I was not hearing her.  I told her it was ok, we understood. She immediately said “no it is not ok, we want you to get pregnant and I am so sorry it did not happen again.”  She wanted to know who had left the message so she could follow up, as she indicated she always wanted to leave results and not let people wait and wonder waiting on a call back.  I informed her it was the fellow and she reassured us that she would follow up with her.

We stood in the kitchen in disbelief, holding each other and crying.  We really thought this was going to be our time.  So many things had gone well and aligned that it just did not make sense that we did not get the result we hoped and prayed so long for.

For the 2nd year in a row during NIAW, we are heartbroken and unsure what will happen next.  We will schedule a follow up with our RE and hope that she has some ideas on how we can move forward…infertility sucks…