In limbo…

  

So in limbo is “in a state of neglect; in a state of oblivion; in an indefinite state; on hold.”  My wife hates when I say that we are in IVF limbo, but that is how I feel.  Like we are on hold stuck in between two doors.  We have exited the door of getting my eggs ready for retrieval and fertilization, but yet quite not ready to enter the door to transfer our embryos to their home.

Yesterday I finished a great book on infertility and the TTC process, “Waiting for Daisy” by Peggy Orenstein, I highly recommend it for all of us on this journey.  This was the first book out of the many I have read that truly captured the emotional feelings of trying to have a child.  Hope, excitement, disappointment, dispare, hope again and then all over again.

I think that is why I feel like we are in limbo because I don’t know if I should be excited or disappointed.  I see other TTC sisters who are in the two week wait or getting ready to transfer and my little green friend pops out to say hello.  Not that I don’t want things to go well for them, but I am jealous that I am not experiencing the excitement of our embryos inside of me.  It is a crappy feeling to know what you need to do next but can’t go down that path due to a long road block.  I know that I just need to be patient and allow my body to recover, but my patience is wearing thin.

Let’s hope I feel better tomorrow after the date/plan is laid out with our RE or this is going to be a long 30-45 days…

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