Trying to pass the time…

So Monday was my wife’s birthday and our follow up with our RE to talk about the FET plan.  The birthday was good but I think my wife was a little disappointed due to the snowy/ice weather and not getting to see family or friends.  The good present that she did get was that our frozen embryos look great.  Out of the eight, four are close to hatching and most are a grade A or B, so that seems promising.

We still do not know our exact transfer date yet as we have to wait to see when my cycle starts.  Our RE does want us to do another saline sonogram on CD5 to make sure my cervix and uterus are clear and ready for our embroys.  If that comes back clean, then we will do another endometrial biopsy/scrap and cervical dilation around Cycle Day 13 to make sure my body is ready to receive our embroys. We will still do my transfer under sedation since my cervix is tricky, so looks like Feb/Mar will have quite a few sedation induced take it easy days.

We talked about the decision to implant one or two embryos.  Our RE is leaning towards two but warned us that it does increase our chances of multiples.  Not only twins, but possibly triplets or quadruplets if one or both embryos were to split.  We are leaning towards taking our chances and implanting two.  Yes that makes me nervous about the financial aspect of two kids,but we will cross that bridge if we get there.

Waiting is getting to be more and more unbearable.  I know that we need to cherish the time and moments we have together, but I think my wife and are both starting to get impatient waiting for us to complete this cycle and knowing whether we are still in the infertility category or moving on to pregnancy stage.

I have been trying to stay busy by reading and doing a few things around the house.  I finished two infertility books this month that I would recommend to any that are on this journey.  

  
How are you ladies passing the time?

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In limbo…

  

So in limbo is “in a state of neglect; in a state of oblivion; in an indefinite state; on hold.”  My wife hates when I say that we are in IVF limbo, but that is how I feel.  Like we are on hold stuck in between two doors.  We have exited the door of getting my eggs ready for retrieval and fertilization, but yet quite not ready to enter the door to transfer our embryos to their home.

Yesterday I finished a great book on infertility and the TTC process, “Waiting for Daisy” by Peggy Orenstein, I highly recommend it for all of us on this journey.  This was the first book out of the many I have read that truly captured the emotional feelings of trying to have a child.  Hope, excitement, disappointment, dispare, hope again and then all over again.

I think that is why I feel like we are in limbo because I don’t know if I should be excited or disappointed.  I see other TTC sisters who are in the two week wait or getting ready to transfer and my little green friend pops out to say hello.  Not that I don’t want things to go well for them, but I am jealous that I am not experiencing the excitement of our embryos inside of me.  It is a crappy feeling to know what you need to do next but can’t go down that path due to a long road block.  I know that I just need to be patient and allow my body to recover, but my patience is wearing thin.

Let’s hope I feel better tomorrow after the date/plan is laid out with our RE or this is going to be a long 30-45 days…

Final Embryo Numbers…..

So this week has been crazy busy and long, even though we had Monday off for Martin Luther King Day.  I have been really busy trying to catch up with work that I haven’t had a chance to update you guys, so sorry.

So Monday we got the call that out of the eight they were pushing an additional four embryos made it to Day 5.  So out of 13 fertilized, we have eight beautiful blastocysts waiting to become our little miracle.  I am extremely happy that we have these strong fighters and that they made it to Day 5 especially since last time we did not have any make it to Day 5. 

  
Since Monday, I have been trying to stay the course and remain positive.  My cycle showed up last weekend and the cramps have been a total B.  I don’t know if it is my body coming down from all the hormones or being in pain, but I have been incredibly irratiable and a little disappointed.  Disappointed that my lovely Day 5 embies did not get to reunite with me on Sunday and began to make their home so we could grow together.  I know I need to stay positive and happy over the milestones we have met, but I can’t help but feel like I have failed by my body not being ready to receive our embies.

I know that some studies suggest that FETs are more successful and I am trying to hang on to those statistics.  I know that by us doing a FET that my RE will perform it which will give us better odds since I have a difficult cervix and all of my IUIs and transfers have been challenges.

We go to our RE on Monday (Wifey’s birthday) to figure out the official plan of when the FET will be but I am guessing the beginning of March.   That seems so far away right now, but I know I need to remain patient, positive and stay the course. 

In shock! ❤️❤️❤️

So we were waiting patiently all morning for that phone call. We got up early, had coffee/tea, watch some episodes of Dateline, MobWives and Below Deck on our DVR to try to distract ourselves from watching and willing the phone to ring.

At noon, we couldn’t wait any longer, so we called the RE on call.  The RE on call was a fellow that knows us well and struggled to performed two of our IUIs two years ago.  I told her that (1) Cycle Day 1 has showed up to my surprise and not sure if we should be holding or moving forward with the beginning of an FET protocol since we haven’t had our retrieval follow up visit yet, and (2) we were waiting on the lab to call us today to give us an update on where we are with our embryos on Day 5.  She said that she was actually standing next to the Embryologists and they were labeling and getting ready to freeze embryos.  

She said of the 13 we had on Day 3, four have reached blastocysts stage and would be froze today!  Woohoo!!!!! In addition, we still had eight that looked good and might make it tomorrow, so they are going to hold them out and watch them grow over night tonight and call us tomorrow to let us know if we have more. SAY WHAT?!?  In regards to my FET protocol, she said we are going to let my body calm down for a whole cycle and then proceed.

I hung up the phone and tried to get out of shock long enough to to tell my wife that we have four beautiful embies that will be waiting for us and that we might have the possibility of eight more!!!! It is just an unreal feeling to know that in our last cycle we didn’t even get to Day 5 and now we might have a dozen!!!! It is just crazy to know that since fertilization we have only lost one baby and have so many that are strong and want to keep growing in hopes of becoming our beautiful babies.  

We are feeling incredibly blessed, excited and in shock! We are so thankful to our framily, friends and family that have supported us along the way.   We are not out of the dark by any means but we are so much closer than we have ever been before!!! ❤️❤️❤️  So thankful for another small victory along the way!

  

Holy anxiety 

So I think I woke up at 4 o’clock, 5, 6, and 6:30 before finally just getting up at 7am.  I am so worried about our embryos and it is all I can think about.  Are they ok? Are they still growing? Are they going to freeze well? 

I had two separate dreams, one in which they called and said that 12 made it to Day 5, but still nine look the best with three growing behind.  The other dream they called and said that four stop growing, but we have nine that look great.

Let’s hope the call resembles one of these scenarios… 

Until we know for sure…this will be me…

 

Still Strong and Growing…

  
 
So happy, shocked, excited and amazed to announce that we still have all 13 of our embryos on Day 3. Out of the 13 embryos, we were told that nine of them look really good to survive to Day 5.  Woohoo!! Our Doctor warned us that statistically half of your rembryos will survive till Day 5, so if we assume that half of the nine will survive to Day 5, we could still end up with four to five embryos!!! 

Considering that with our first round of IVF, we only had three of our five fertilized embryos make it Day 3 and no Day 5 embryos, I am more than pleased with how strong our embryos are this cycle.  I really think that the changes we have made have made a great impact on my egg quality.  

Since our failed FET last summer, I have gotten healthier by doing the following:

  • Changed eating habits with 21 Day Fix and Gluten-free
  • Lost weight and toned my body with multiple Beachbody workout programs
  • Reduced my anxiety and stress with yoga
  • Remove toxins by using only natural soaps, lotions and makeup products 
  • Chinese herbs to strengthen my cycles and egg growth
  • Acupuncture 

We will never know if it was one thing or a combination of all of them, but I will take this successful step and look forward to the call on Sunday to know our final freeze all numbers.