Six Weeks Old and Six Weeks of Postpartum

So we have reached the 6 week mark. It is so hard to believe that we have a 6-week old. Time has gone by way too fast!

Let’s recap on the past six weeks from Hawk’s point of view:

Week 1: Time is going by way too fast…In my first week I sat outside hospital for a half hour while my moms tried to figure out how to work the car seat straps. Though my mama had me in a nice coming home outfit, I thought it was a great time to pee on it and the both of us. I also recall my Mama laughing when I peed on the nurse, so I got her a couple times this week. Don’t worry I got Mommy with a blow-out yesterday. My moms and doctor discovered my two natal teeth. I’m rocking that teething newborn status well! I lost some weight before leaving the hospital, but gained it back in just a couple days. I’d say breast feeding is going well with Mommy. Really digging my rock-n-play, it makes nap-time a breeze for my moms. I also like the shusher, it puts my moms and I to sleep super fast. It’s pretty cool that my first week spanned over 2017 & 2018!

Week 2: In my 2nd week I saw a lot of faces. On Sunday I had my first photo shoot. I took photos with my moms, then by myself, but I don’t remember much of it bc I was asleep. Which was apparently what they wanted. Had nurses at my doctors office swooning over me, so I thought. Turns out they were just interested in my natal teeth. My Mama is going to start charging a fee for a glimpse at them. Had my first shopping trip with my moms. We went to Buy Buy Baby, Carter’s, and Target. All of which were a snooze for me, but it was fun. I made a lady cry at Carter’s. She couldn’t handle my cuteness or my cool name. Despite having some awful gas this week I have slept for 6 hours straight three nights in a row. My moms seem super happy, anything for them! I’m really digging my moms- love smelling them, eating their cheeks (although they seem to really like my cheeks), and I’ve been watching them a bit more closely this week. Realized that my moms like these zipper outfits that zip from my head to toes. Whatever makes their life easier! I’m cool with my Mama’s swaddles at this point. She finally gets that my arms have gotta be out though. She tried putting me in a pod, uh more like straight jacket- no thank you. My Mommy seems to be getting use to my hands being in my face when I feed. I’m also turning on my side now when I sleep. Got introduced to tummy time with this awesome cloud mat full of toys. My Mama also read me a few books this week.

Week 3: Saturday I rode around with my moms as they ran errands. For some reason they were super excited about eating sushi and watching football. I met my Grandma and Grandaddy Guthrie on Sunday, as well as my cousin Sammie. Grandma LOVED holding me. My mama went back to work this week, I definitely missed our mid-day snuggles. On Tuesday prior to my doctor appointment my moms gave me a bath. While drying me off I sharted through my towel onto my Mama. Got her! Although I’m only 3 weeks old, I’ve seen my 2nd snow storm. My moms managed to bundle me up for a family photo with the snowscape, I slept through all of it. Still having a problem with gas even though my moms burp me really good and Mommy watches what she eats. Gas drops don’t phase me, I know it will get better with time and as I develop. I’ve almost outgrown the NB size clothes with my recent weight gain. I’m up to 9lbs and 11oz, surpassing my birth weight. Woohoo!

Week 4: Pondering on 4 weeks.. After digging out from the snow I had a few visitors on Saturday. It was nice to see some new faces. With Liz and Courtney visiting Mama thought she’d put me in the UNC outfit they gave me. Mama had a long conversation with me about the battle of the blues and that for today it was merely fabric and it didn’t mean anything. It certainly didn’t mean that I had picked a side yet. Sunday I got to spend some quality time with my Granny and Papa. I made sure she could hear me…my farts that is! No doctor visit this week, yay! No nurses fight for a glimpse at me or my teeth. Wednesday my Mama went into the office and I spent the entire day with Mommy. We kept each other good company. My moms will tell you that my sleeping at night is terrible, but I think I’ve got a severe case of FOMO (fear of missing out).

Week 5: So apparently there is this holiday where a groundhog predicts if we are going into spring or staying in winter. Apparently the groundhog saw his shadow so we have six more weeks of winter. I am hoping for no more snow though, so my moms take me on more walks. This week was a hard week for my Moms. They found out on Saturday that a close friend died tragically in a car accident. The friend was close with Mama and he had been excited to meet me, but unfortunately passed away before we could meet. My moms were feeling extra sad and needy so I showered them with more snuggles and love.

Week 6: This week, I had some additional firsts: (1) visited Mommy’s office and enjoyed everyone ooh and ahh over me; (2) experienced my first UNC/Duke battle of the Blues game and celebrated with Mommy that the right shade of blue won; and (3) experienced my first Winter Olympics…go Team USA. Mommy has officially passed the initial postpartum phase and is halfway through her maternity leave. Time is flying by way too fast.

Postpartum Mommy Feels:

The last six weeks for me have been up and down for me.

Week one after leaving the hospital, I was on the new mom high. So happy to be home with my little man and his mama, finally our little family. Hawk took to breastfeeding well and we both seemed to be adjusting well. In order to maintain some sense of normalcy, I made a commitment to myself that if I took a shower and made the bed each day, then I had accomplished my goals for the day.

Week two, the pain and annoyance of the c-section started to set in more. Everyday when I took a shower it was a struggle to get ready because I had to tend to sore and leaky boobs, while blow drying my sterile strips on my incision because if they stayed damp they could get infected. I was frustrated with the hospital and that they do not schedule a follow up for me as the mom sooner than six weeks, especially having a c-section. We were instructed upon leaving the hospital to remove my sterile strips at home after seven days. No instructions on how to do so. I was tired, my boobs were super sore and I was not sure I was going to be a good mom. It did help my frustration to get out and go shopping, rather than being on the sofa all day feeding.

Week Three, my frustration with the sterile strips continued. After day 12, they did start to come undone around the edges so I was able to get Heather to remove them. Boy did that hurt like hell! I added pumping to my regimen and could tell why some people choose to not breastfeed. Pumping is a pain due to the constant cleaning of the parts. Between the pumping and constant feeding, my boobs were becoming super sore and I was worried that I might not survive breastfeeding. Prior to his birth, I had made the commitment that I would breastfeed until at least he was six months, but based on how it was going, I was not so sure it would happen. This week was also difficult because Heather went back to work, so at night she was no longer getting up to help me with Hawk. I was still feeling pain from my incision and getting up multiple times during the night to lift him, change him and feed him was rough by myself. Luckily though with the snow, Heather only had to be away from home one day that week, so she was still around to give me a break here and there which was very helpful with the pain and fatigue.

Week 4, recovery from the c-section and being stuck in the house due to snow began to take a toll on me. I felt frustrated that all I did was get up, feed, change diapers, pump and feed again. I was jealous that Heather slept through the night and got a break during the day with work. I know our pediatrician encouraged us to not look at your other spouse with green envy, but when I did not have a change of scenery or routine for days, it was hard to not be jealous. It also seemed that Hawk was going through a growth spurt because he was waking up more during the night. Needless to say I was glad to get out of the house once the snow melted. Just going to the grocery store made me feel like a new woman.

Week 5, I officially began to feel like a boob. It felt like the only time Hawk wanted to be close to me was to feed, otherwise he was crying from the gas pain or sleeping. I was frustrated that I barely had time to myself each day, basically the two minutes I took to shower. I missed my workouts every morning, my quiet meditation time, my afternoon reading time, my short rides back and forth to work to just be by myself. I felt guilty that here I had waited so long for our little miracle, that I should not be complaining. I reached out to my close friend to see if she felt the same way when her little guy was still breastfeeding. She assured me she did, which was a big help for my mom guilt. She reassured me that I am allowed to have regular mom feelings and get frustrated. It is a new role and it requires some getting use to, just like any new job. I was also feeling frustrated because our breastfeeding experience had taken a turn for the worst. I felt like I had clogged milk ducts on both breasts over the past week. With heat, pumping, massaging and some very painful feedings, I was able to work out the lumps. Yet my nipples were still on fire, dry and cracked no matter how much lanolin I used. I finally broke down and sent the doctor a note saying I was concerned that my latch was wrong and that Hawk was not getting enough during his feedings, thus waking up more. He responded and said they would check at his well visit his weight but he thinks the frequency of the feedings is a growth spurt and not a latch issue. He did however schedule a visit for us with the Lactation consultant (LC). When we went to his well visit it was clear that he was gaining weight so he was still getting what he needs from breastfeeding and we did not need to supplement. We met with the LC and she observed his latch. She said he was latching on well but that I had an overactive letdown, which was causing him to latch down harder and pull at my nipple to try to stop the flow. She showed me methods to lean back and have him come to the breast, which would slow the flow, rather than me leaning forward with my breast coming to his mouth. She told me to try that over the next few weeks and see if that helps. A couple of days later, we found out that our close friend, lawn guy had died unexpectedly in a freak car accident. You can never prepare yourself for these moments in life. Six years ago, he came into our life to provide us with lawn care but over time he became more than just a worker but a friend. He was a hardworking happy soul, who was always willing to lend a hand. He had some many ideas and goals in life and was always looking for the next big adventure. When he found out we were having a baby he was so excited for us and could not wait to meet him. Unfortunately he has left us before getting to meet our little man, however I know he is smiling over him. He was such a bright spot in everyone’s life and we will miss his joy in our life.

Week 6 .. we made it! So hard to believe that maternity leave is half way over and that our little guy is almost two months old. I finally went to the doctor for my postpartum checkup. I am at my pre-pregnancy weight, but still need to work on toning the abs and getting my body back. The OB cleared me for exercise..woohoo so I can get back to my yoga, just need to find 30 minutes between feeding, pumping and housework to get it done. I think the trick the LC told me is working because my boobs are feeling better and I haven’t had anymore lumps or clogged ducts…

now if we can just get Hawk to wake up only once a night, we will be doing great!


Induction and Birth Story

On our due date, I woke up at 3am feeling “funny.” I have always been one to feel my cramps come on before my cycle and to feel the head rush of hormones that would generally accompany the pending cycle. This was what I felt at 3am. I thought to myself today IS the day.

Our little guy is going to make his appearance in the world in perfect timing. I was so overjoyed and spent sometime talking to him quietly. I tried to go back to sleep but felt so many nerves and then felt like I was hungry.

I woke up and ate a granola bar. As I laid there I began to feel cramping and him moving about. Heather woke up and asked if I was ok and I told her I think today is the day, but we are not there yet. She told me she loved me and was excited to hear the good news. We both then laid there with our little man under our hands and went back to sleep.

Our due date progressed but my contractions did not. His scheduled day had come and gone and he was still not here. I was disappointed as I knew that most likely at this point he would not be here for the holiday and that we would most likely be induced.

Throughout my pregnancy we had heard he was measuring on time or ahead of schedule so I had never really mentally prepared for having to be induced. With the exercise, diet and acupuncture I was convinced that he would arrive on time and without assistance.

Well Christmas came and went and we were still pregnant. We got confirmation that we were to arrive at the hospital Tuesday night, Dec 26th at 8pm for our induction.

We got up that morning and had a plan to make sure I ate well and that we rested as we knew it was going to most likely be a long night. We went and had a big breakfast at Cracker Barrel to start the day. Then we went and ran last minute errands at the grocery store and Target before heading back home. Once home, we had a lunch of Christmas Eve leftovers and tried to relax for a little bit on the sofa. We called my best friend and had Christmas with her and her kids on the phone since we were not able to connect with them the day before.

I was super anxious and did not know what to think about the induction and how it would take place. I decided I needed to stay busy because there was no way I was going to be able to lay down for a nap. I packed the diaper bag; got the stroller ready; and made diaper changing and breastfeeding stations for downstairs, our bedroom and the loft. It felt somewhat better to know that we would be a little more organized when did come home with him.

It got closer to dinner time and we decided we would eat the mussels and fries since we did not eat them on Christmas Eve. My wife prepared them and they were great. We were both full of anxiety and not sure about what would happen next but tried to enjoy our last meal as just us.

We gathered all of our things and headed to the hospital.

They checked us in to our labor and delivery room and gave me my official hospital gown. It was go time.

The nurse went through all my vitals and questions regarding the pregnancy. She said that the doctor would assess where we were and what would be our induction plan. She reminded us that this could go quickly or not, and that sometimes inductions take up to three days. Three days?!? What the world!?

We were hoping that since it had been a week since I was checked and experienced a good amount of contractions over the weekend that I would be closer to 3-4 cm dilated. The doctor that came in was of course one of the three doctors we did not meet before our due date at the practice. She checked my cervix and said it was soft but we were still only at 2 cm. Ugh are you kidding me?!? She said they wanted to start my induction with a balloon to open my cervix more. They asked if I wanted pain medications and I told them not at this time as I wanted to try to progress with labor as long as I could naturally. Anesthesiology came by the room to discuss pain med options so that I was aware of them as things progressed.

They inserted the balloon about 10:30pm. The goal of the balloon was to get my body to dilate to at least 4cm and then they could see if I would continue to progress on my own or if we would need to try other methods. Doctor came back around 2am to check on my progress. The balloon was working but still not ready to come out yet. She told me to keep tugging on it as I felt contractions to get them working on opening me up. Around 5am I felt like the balloon could come out. I called the nurse and she was able to pull it out…woohoo we had gotten to 4cm.

The Doctor came back by before shift change and said that the next step would most likely be for them to break my water but that she would let the next Doctor on shift make that call. Of course, our luck the Doctor was the one we had seen previously that told us she could not reach my cervix.

She came in around 10am and checked my dilation. We were still at 4cm, she wanted to go ahead and break my water. She advised me that often things progress pretty quickly once your water is broke and the contractions can get pretty painful so if I wanted an epidural, I should get one now. Being that I had been contracting all night and didn’t really sleep, I was pretty tired at that point. We still had a long way to go to get to 10cm and there was no telling how long I would have to push, so I gave in and got the epidural.

Anesthesiology came in and placed my epidural. Heather kept asking me if it was painful because she could see the needle. It was actually more painful for me to be hunched over as Peanut’s feet were in my ribs.

Doctor came back in around 11am and broke my water. She was amazed by how full my sac was as the water just kept flowing. She was like “no wonder this baby doesn’t want to come out, it is too cozy for him.” They slowly began the Pitocin and waited for my contractions to do the work of dilating me further.

All of our family was now even more anxious since we had been in the hospital for over 12 hours and wanted to come see us and know how I was progressing. We had already told family that we did not want anyone in labor and delivery but Heather and I. Well at 1:30, one of Heather’s sisters decides she is going to bring lunch to Heather as a way to get herself in the room. I was livid! I let Heather eat and take a short nap while she was there and then I made it very clear that I wanted her out of the room. I had enough pressure on myself to get this baby out that I did not need her sitting there looking at me, or hovering over the monitor every 5 minutes to see if I was having a contraction. Heather talked to the nurse and they came up with a plan to relocate her to the waiting room. Shortly after that more of Heather’s family showed up and they were all sitting around in the waiting room come dinner time.

The doctor came back around dinner to check my progress and we were still at 4cm. Ugh here I am confined to this bed with the epidural and still not progressing. This was my worst nightmare. The hours continue to drag on and my contractions intensified with each Pitocin increase. It got to be later in the night and Heather’s family was still in the waiting room. The doctor came in around 9pm and checked and I was at 5cm. I told Heather to go tell her family to head home, it was clear at this point that he was not going to be born on the 27th. They were reluctant to leave but we assured them that if something changed, we would call them but it was best that they go home and get some rest.

Throughout the night, they continued to increase the Pitocin until we got to 6 milliunits and then they noticed they were having a hard time monitoring my contractions and Peanut’s heartrate. So around 10pm they put in an internal contraction monitor and put me in an upright position as they found that when they tried to turn me on my side that they would loose track of Peanut’s heartbeat.

I sat in this upright position all night as they lowered and raised my Pitocin levels. I was so tired, my butt was numb from being in the same position and having constant pressure and I was so ready to meet our son. At 4am, the Dr came in to check my cervix again. We were still at 5cm.

She looked at both of us and was like ladies unfortunately I think we have hit a wall. They had allowed my body to labor for over 24 hours, my water had been broke for more than 12 hours, and my body had not progressed past 5cm and he was still in a -2 position (which meant his head was not in the front of my pelvis). All I could do was start crying, I was so exhausted, I had tried so hard and we still had to have a c-section. The doctor said that she hated to go this route especially with first time moms but we had given it time and options and now they needed to be safe and get him out. Logically I understood this but I was quite disappointed that I was not able to do it naturally.

They said they would prepare for the c-section. They took me back and anesthesiology came in to check my epidural before the surgery. After checking, we came to found out that my epidural was not working on my left side and that at this point they would need to put in a spinal tap to correct it. I knew that with them taking the time to do this, Heather was growing anxious as she waited back in the delivery room for them to come and get her. I was so exhausted and could barely keep my eyes open. The anesthesiologist was like it is ok you can take a catnap as we get ready.

They finally brought Heather back and they had already started cutting me open. I could feel the pressure of the tugging but I was so tired at that point that I Just was ready to meet our little man. The doctor finally got him and they pulled back the curtain for us to see him. The doctor said “Are you ready to meet your toddler? He is so big!” They showed him to us and he was such a big boy. They put him on the scale and found out he weighed 9lbs and 5oz. The doctor was like “Wow, he is a little sumo wrestler. It is a good thing we did do a c-section because he would have probably not fit through your birth canal.” He was finally here…our perfect little boy.. Hawk Daxton Satterfield born one week late on December 28th at 7:04am.

They cleaned him up and Heather got to hold his hand. She was immediately in love. They laid him on my chest but he was so big and heavy that I couldn’t really do skin to skin with him while they had me on the operating table.

They finished closing me up and took us to the recovery room for two hours. It was perfect, only Heather, Hawk and I were allowed in the room. So it allowed us time to do skin to skin, him to breastfeed the first time, bond with him and just be a family before all of our family came in to see him.

So even though our birth plan went out the window, it turned all out for the best in the end, our miracle is here and we are a family.


So Christmas Eve turned out to be a great day. I was so worried that Heather would be sad and depressed because her family would be getting together that afternoon and we would not be going.

We got up that morning and she was surprisedly in a very good mood. She had made plans to spend the day in the kitchen cooking and baking, two of her favorite things to do. For breakfast she made homemade cinnamon rolls; for lunch we had appetizers to watch football: cheese ball, sausage balls and dips.  We had planned on having mussels and fries for dinner and start our own tradition of seafood on Christmas Eve, but we were so full from the lunch appetizers that we ended up not having dinner.

We watched Christmas movies and football all day, slow danced together and listened to Christmas music. Before going to bed, we sat in front of the Christmas tree together and opened our gifts being that we would have company all day on Christmas Day.  We went to bed happy to spend another Christmas together as a couple.

The day turned out to be great for Heather, but I felt guilty all day that she was missing out on her traditional family get together.  In addition, I was super uncomfortable and kept having contractions all day.  Part of me was wishing and hoping all day that I would go into labor on Christmas Eve and we would get our true Christmas miracle.

Santa and Christmas morning came and we were still pregnant. I had to accept the fact that our families were coming over for Christmas and the biggest gift would not be under the tree. Heather tried to reassure me that she was good, but I could see the hurt in her eyes of not seeing her family on Christmas morning.

She FaceTime her family as they were making Christmas breakfast to say Merry Christmas and confirmed lunchtime with them. I tried to lighten the mood by baking Christmas cookies for us to eat. However while I was baking, she looked at old pictures of her, her mom and dad at Christmas when she was a kid and I could tell she was upset. I felt awful, I wanted to comfort her, to distract her with our son, but he was still snuggled inside of me with no real signs of exiting.

It got closer to lunchtime and we had not heard from her family. She finally called them and found out that they had fallen asleep and were running late. Heather felt like they had forgotten about her on Christmas since no one had called or reached out. I assured her that they had not forgot about her and sent her sister a message to make sure they were coming for lunch. They reassured me that they had not forgotten about Heather and that as her sisters they were coming to surprise her.

They showed up for lunch and it brought tears and joy to Heather to have them here with her. We had a nice lunch, opened presents and hung out.

Shortly after they were leaving, my family showed up for dinner. They also were all hoping that they would be seeing our little man or visiting us at the hospital, but that was not how things played out. It was nice to have my middle sister and her son for the Christmas festivities this year. We had dinner, opened presents and hung out. It was a nice evening even though I wasn’t able to give them the gift they wanted.

After all of our family left, we waited for the phone call for our induction time the next day. One way or another our little man would be born soon.

Overdue…and Infertility Emotions

We are officially 40 weeks and 2 days. We have passed our little miracle’s due date and I am filled with sadness, fear and guilt.

I have tried really hard to be nothing but positive throughout this pregnancy, especially considering that we never thought we would make it this far. I am incredibly thankful that we have this miracle coming to be with us soon and that I have been able to provide him with all of his needs these pass few months. He is healthy and apparently very comfortable snuggling with me inside.

However I am sad. After all that we did go through to get pregnant I was really hoping that pregnancy, delivery and postpartum would be easy. That I would perform these things perfectly. That my body would be successful and not need any medical intervention. Yet here we are pass our due date and looking on the horizon of an induction next week. Just when I thought I had beat infertility it has come back to haunt me.

I am fearful that with an induction, our labor will be slow and not progress. Both of my sisters had to be induced and ended up with c-sections in the end. I am afraid that the induction will cause him or I to experience distress and have to proceed to a c-section. I know that plenty of women have c-sections and that it is often necessary but I really want to bring our son into the world as naturally as possible without drugs and vaginally. If this does not occur, I will feel like I have failed at not only making a baby but having a baby.

I feel guilty. Throughout this pregnancy we have always prepared for him to be here before the Christmas holiday. Generally every year for Christmas Eve we would go to Heather’s family house for dinner, presents and fellowship. Then we would spend the night at her mom’s house and wake up for Santa and breakfast on Christmas morning with her parents and sisters. Heather has done this every year of her life…this is her tradition. This year with Peanut’s due date so close to the holiday, we had discussed with her family we would probably not be there since Peanut would only be a few days old and if he was not here we would not want to be an hour from the hospital. Her mom (whom she was worried about being upset the most) completely understood and said that she didn’t expect to see us because my health and the baby’s was what was most important. She said not to worry and that regardless of him being here or not she would see us on Christmas Day at our house or the hospital. Heather’s sisters on the other hand did not initially understand that either way, him here or not, we would not be at Christmas Eve. After a lot of conversations this week, when it look like he would not make his due date, they finally got it.

In addition to us not being able to spend the holiday with Heather’s family as we normally do, my family will be coming to town. They are super excited and want to meet Peanut. Even my middle sister, who usually goes to Atlanta with her husband is coming to Christmas this year. With my parents and I not having the best relationship, Christmas is generally the only holiday that they come to visit.

I feel so guilty. I feel like because my body has not began labor and brought Peanut into the world that I am ruining Christmas for everyone. I know that this is the only gift they all want and I am disappointing them.

Heather keeps reassuring me that she is ok with him not being here and looking forward to us spending our first holiday together just the two of us, but I feel awful. I have not cried much during this pregnancy but over the past four days, I can’t stop crying.

I know I just need to focus on that we will finally meet our miracle next week regardless of what happens with the holiday or the delivery but I am having a really hard time.

I am still hoping and praying that he will come in the next 48 hours and we will all truly get our Christmas miracle.

39 Weeks

This week has been a challenge. All throughout this pregnancy, Peanut has been measuring on time or ahead, so I thought for sure we would be loving on him on the outside come 39 Weeks.

The week started with our respective work Christmas parties. It was nice to not wake up with a hangover the next day but kind of weird to not be drinking either. Of course you get the 100 questions/comments of “you haven’t had that baby yet?, When is that baby due?, Wow, you look very pregnant.” No he is not here and yes I know I look big, thanks for pointing out the obvious.

We went to our 39 week appointment and that is when my anxiety and disappointment set in. The doctor who we saw was another doctor we had not her seen in the practice. She was really nice and came in the room all excited and ready to talk about how I was progressing. She said she would check my cervix and try to see if she could strip my membranes. She measured my uterus and he was still measuring on time. She checked his heartbeat and it was staying strong at 145 BPM. She has the nurse come in so she could check my cervix. As she went to check she was like how far along did the doctor say I was last week. I told he said I was 1-2 cm and 50% effaced. She was looked at me and said “hmm well he must have longer fingers than me because I can’t even feel your cervix. I feel baby’s head is down but I can’t get to your cervix to measure or strip.” What’s?!? So you are basically telling me that you have short fingers and I now I have no idea if I am progressing or not. I was so shocked and upset. What do you mean you can’t feel my cervix? She said that they would check again next week at my 40 week appointment and then they would talk about scheduling an induction if he did not come before then.

I left the appointment so upset and in tears by time we got into the car. Here I was doing everything I could to make this pregnancy healthy and progress appropriately. I have done yoga, continued acupuncture, taking evening primrose oil, drinking raspberry tea, nipple stimulation, performed labor inducing exercises, felt contractions and you basically tell me I am not progressing. I was devastated.

Of course others knew we had our appointment so they all asked how things went. We explained to them what occurred and they all said “you have to be patient, he will come when he comes, it is not even your due date yet, you need to relax.” Relax? You don’t understand the struggle we have gone through the past 5 years to get here. It has been a constant battle of will my body perform the way it is suppose to or not. So while my pregnancy has been a blessing, there is a lot of fear and anxiety that my body will fail me again during childbirth. I have serious anxiety that the closer we get to my due date and if we pass the due date, that something is terribly going to go wrong. I fear all of the following: he is going to get to big to fit through my pelvis, his movements are going to decrease because he has no room and or has run out of fluid, the cord is going to get caught; around him; we will have to have a c-section and he or I will be in distress; or the ultimate fear that he will not survive birth. I know that all of the tests and check ups we have had along the way show no indication of this happening, but this is how the battle of infertility steals your joy.

Let’s hope this pedicure helps and if he doesn’t come at 40 Weeks he comes shortly after and all is well….

38 Weeks

This week started out with a great OB appointment with our favorite Dr at the practice. He was so excited to see us and said he cannot wait to meet our little guy. He did my first official check and said that I was making good strides at 1-2cm and 50% effaced. Woohoo! My body is responding appropriately and doing what is suppose to, what a relief.

We celebrated the birthday of two of our favorite kids from afar. We miss them so much now that they are in Canada and we do not get to see their shining faces everyday when we get home, but thankfully we will have our own little man to smile at us soon.

Still feeling good this week. He is getting heavier and lower but keeping up yoga, acupuncture and trying to prepare my body for the big event. No cravings or aversions but still experiencing terrible heartburn and indigestion.

37 weeks

We started the week with an OB appointment with a new doctor at the practice. While she seemed to be a good doctor, I was quite annoyed by her “you know most first pregnancies are late” speech. I really hate that talk. I get with most women the due date is wrong because they have no idea when conception actually happened, however we did IVF and science is clear so my due date is not wrong.

We had a friend come into town this weekend that we had not seen in a while. It was great to see them and catch up.

Definitely feeling that the end is coming as he is getting bigger and I am feeling his head down. Still doing yoga and acupuncture. No cravings or aversions but was hoping that heartburn would get better now that he is dropping but seems to be getting worse.